


How to mend a broken heart

by QueenAnnxiety



Category: Free!
Genre: Comfort, Heart Break, M/M, Officer!Rin, but I can't ship them without RinHaru drama, it's a SouRin fic, mention of PTSD, mention of depression, officer!Sousuke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-25
Updated: 2014-12-25
Packaged: 2018-03-03 12:15:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2850539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenAnnxiety/pseuds/QueenAnnxiety
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Rin was shot he started to shun himself out. Sousuke wants to help him but everytime he tries, Rin asks for a certain water-loving freak. Until one day he doesn't, but Sousuke knows very well how to mend a broken heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to mend a broken heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kozmotittspitchiner](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kozmotittspitchiner/gifts).



> I didn't ship SouRin... but well, it happened. Also this fic is 3 months old and I'm a lazy piece. I'm from Germany and my English isn't perf :/ Also I'm very well aware of the symptoms of PTSD (psychology major) and that it might not be depicted realistically. That is not the purpose of this story.

**_How to mend a broken heart_ **

**_For Dine_ **

**_Happy Birthday, my love!_ **

*

 

»You know, this is called PTSD and you might consider actually going to your therapy sessions…«

Sousuke felt like convincing a kid to go to bed when it was already way past midnight. This still unconvinced child being his 27-year-old roommate, best friend and colleague.

»You know, this is called IDGAF,« Rin growled back. He put the blankets a bit further over his head but left his eyes linger on Sousuke. Which kind of made Sousuke’s blood run hot in an uncomfortable way. Not like it used to. Ever since that incident at work. Sousuke was with him that day but thank god hadn’t seen this poor naked girl nor was he shot. Though seeing your best friend getting shot is kind of PTSD-material, too. Rin refused to see a doctor still. No, he preferred a certain restaurant chef instead to drown all his problems.

»Can you please call Haru? Tell him to come over…«

»Of course.« Sousuke gritted his teeth. It had been weeks now and it was always the same. Rin was brooding and or crying in his bedroom/the living room/the bathroom and when Sousuke tried to reach out to him Rin asked for Nanase. Sousuke started to feel like a really shit friend even though he knew better. Nanase could give Rin something Sousuke lacked. Well, not lacked because if you asked him he would totally say yes but Rin on the other hand – Rin loved Nanase. Weird, water-freak Nanase. And Sousuke totally understood why and all. Still. Maybe he was a shit friend.

Which friend thought about fucking their best friend?

But Sousuke couldn’t help it. He _fucking_ loved Rin. And the emphasis lay on _fucking_ because it was a) fucking serious, b) fucking annoying and c) fucking everything up. Because Rin didn’t know and will never know. He got Nanase.

 _Ah_ , he was supposed to call him.

Sousuke always called him and Nanase would always answer in his thin, melancholic voice:

»Yes?«

»Rin wants you to come over,« was the next thing.

»I’ll be there.«

Then Nanase hung up first and it pissed Sousuke off even more.

»Nanase comes over,« he informed Rin who still hadn’t moved a single digit.

»Ah, good. I’m taking a jog until he is here…«

»But you cried.« _Why do you flee from me?_ He wanted to ask instead but his throat blocked the words.

»Dude, I don’t care.«

Rin now looked at him from under the blankets. His eyes are red and heavenly rimmed. He hadn’t slept last night. He was having nightmares and barely slept at all these days.

»You know, you don’t have to call Nanase over every time. I’m here for you, too.« His voice nearly died on him and he hated that he felt so vulnerable even though he was supposed to be the strong one.

»I know, I’m sorry, it’s just…«

Sousuke swore he saw guilt in Rin’s eyes.

»It’s different with Haru…«

_\- Because he is my lover? – Because he hadn’t been there?_

Sousuke didn’t know which was worse.

*

Sousuke missed Rin at work. Heck, he missed _Rin_. This crying zombie which blocked the bathroom wasn’t really his friend. Still, he reminded himself to be patient with Rin. He had seen some ugly things. And thank god it was _only_ a graze. Rin couldn’t go swimming for at least three months, though, and this made it even worse.

Sousuke stared into his coffee. He made it a habit since the incident. Like the liquid held some kind of wisdom that was yet to be found. While Rin was still recovering, Sousuke was parked behind a desk. He hated the fact that he was doing desk work and that Rin was staying alone at home. They should be in the police car together fighting crimes…

Sousuke also couldn’t help feeling jealous. Because he knew Nanase was there. In _their_ apartment.

[You should go to your therapy session today…], he typed.

[Maybe] Rin answered immediately. Before Sousuke could reply, Rin typed again:

[Sorry for being a shit friend.]

[No, you are not.] – _I am. Or we both are._

Rin didn’t knew Sousuke knew about the two of them. Rin also didn’t knew that Sousuke liked boys as much as girls. Heck, Rin thought Sousuke’s one night stands were all cute girls he brought to love hotels. Little did he know that these cute girls had muscular chests and something big hanging between their legs.

»Yamazaki-san, I need you to look through the reports about the old lady hand bag robbery.«

Sousuke rolled his eyes and put his phone away. He just hated desk work.

*

When Sousuke came home, Rin usually slept on the sofa or cried. Of course he wasn’t always sleeping or crying, sometimes he had better days. He then watched one of his American shows (or Korean Drama which he will deny) in his pjs or sang along to some music while cleaning or doing the laundry. Sometimes Ai was there cooking for him and playing the mother hen. He did a pretty good job with Rin actually. He always was a bit more relaxed and cheerful after Ai’s visits. When it weren’t Ai’s shoes occupying space in the corridor, they belonged to Nanase. And every time Sousuke saw these infamous blue-white Nike’s, it felt like some kind of cruel war flashback. Sousuke liked Ai’s visits way more even if they were both awkward around each other. They were dating in high school for a short time. But Sousuke couldn’t deny the fact that he loved Rin. Fucking Rin. Ruining relationships since 1991. Rin didn’t even know he was a relationship ruiner. So they broke up after seven months and still nearly ten years later, Ai started fidgeting when Sousuke entered a room.

There weren’t any additional pairs of shoes today and Sousuke let out a relieved breath.

»I’m home.«

No reply. Sousuke checked for Rin’s shoes in the corridor. This guy had like 20 pairs of different sneakers (which to Sousuke looked all the same) but in the end he only ever wore the ones Nanase gave to him for his birthday. They stood there, reminding Sousuke that Rin fucked Nanase and not him – and even worse that Rin adored and loved Nanase but he tried not to think about that. Getting over sexual frustration was way easier than fixing a broken heart. Not that he had one.

He totally had one.

»Rin?«

Sousuke checked the bathroom first because it’s the first room you’ll pass. Rin wasn’t there and still not answering, which made Sousuke slowly but surely panicking. Rin had PTSD…what if. No, he would never. Still, an unpleasant feeling was settling in the pit of his stomach.

»Rin? Fuck!«

Sousuke rushed into the living room. His heart felt like it sunk onto the floor. Rin slept on the couch like a baby. No big deal, as always. He wanted to slap himself for panicking. Though it didn’t feel like always, like something was shifted and Sousuke couldn’t put his finger on it. Until he saw it when he walked over to Rin: The picture of Rin and Nanase was lying head first on the floor. Maybe that was settling him off? It probably fell down by accident. Sousuke tried not to interpret it and sat down next to Rin without putting the picture back. This place sure was nicer without it.

He petted Rin’s hair gently. He didn’t want to feel the urge to kiss his best friend nor any kind of desire that sat behind his chest. Especially when the other was asleep and vulnerable. Still his feelings got the better of him. His palm burned, his breathing was heavy and his heart was beating loud and clear. But his actions thank god didn’t. He would never force himself on Rin nor would he hurt him in any way.

Rin opened his eyes and sighed tiredly. Like his muscles gave up functioning and his mind, too. He looked up sadly, pale face and red eyes.

»Hey, Rin.«

Rin turned over and started crying. Silent tears rushed over his cheeks onto the couch. Sousuke was at loss. Rin didn’t want him around when he was crying. So the only thing he could do was making a phone call. He had his mobile phone already out when Rin spoke. Words coming out weak and pitiful.

»No, don’t call him.«

»What- why?«

»Because I never want to see him again.«

Sousuke was just staring back, blinking, unable to process the information.

»Wh-why?,« he asked automatically. His brain was still going in circles over the fact that Matsuoka fucking Rin didn’t want to see Nanase fucking Haruka.

Rin didn’t say anything for a while and Sousuke endured the silence. Something was terribly wrong and he gave Rin all the time he needed to come clean.

»You know, Haru and I… how should I put it? We are, we were…« He bit his tongue at the correction. They sat close to each other but Rin’s voice was weak from crying so Sousuke had trouble understanding him.

»We were,« stopping again, Rin sighed and got up into a sitting position. He looked in all directions but Sousuke’s.

»You were screwing each other, I know,« Sousuke finally helped because otherwise they would be sitting here till morning. Rin nearly choked on his breath.

»What, how did you-?«

»Despite it being obvious that you are in love with him? You remember that one time I was drunk as fuck and passed out on the front door in the hallway?«

»Not your brightest moment…« There was a hint of a smile on his face.

»Yeah well… I wasn’t that drunk. I just walked in on you two doing it and you were quite vocal so I turned around and left…«

Rin’s eyes were wide and he was beet red.

»And then I fell asleep on the front door. When Nanase sneaked out, he kinda woke me up, so… unless he is into some kind of voyeurism and you fucked someone who evaporated… I don’t know.«

Sousuke cracked a smile. Rin’s face was still displaying total horror.

»Oh god, Sousuke, I’m so sorry. Oh god, I wanna die…«

»Don’t, I still need you. And also it wasn’t like life scarring or anything.«

Rin still looked flustered and Sousuke hated that he liked it so much. He also hated that he knew how Rin sounded when he was in absolute pleasure. Actually it didn’t sound that different to the noise he made when he ate pizza. Which was kind of confusing for Sousuke.

»But – with a _guy_ …«

»Yeah, I don’t care about that part. I’m fucking Kisumi.« Sousuke said it before he could think. Well, it was true and Rin could use some encouragement. And maybe then he will never know Sousuke was a love struck idiot.

Rin’s face was a mixture of relief and shock.

»You what? Why haven’t you told me? Kisumi? Wow…«

»Why haven’t _you_ told _me_?«

»Shut up! Still… Kisumi is so pretty what does he want with you wardrobe-sized klutz?«

He got a famous shark tooth grin and a moment the world was okay again. No accident, no trauma, no heartbreak.

»You’re so pretty what do you want with water-freak Nanase?«

And he shouldn’t have said _that_. Rin’s eyes started watering again.

»I… I love him. But he wasn’t treating me the way I wanted him to – so I broke up with him and now I feel so empty and miserable like why did I even broke up?«

Rin lost himself in sobs and incoherent blabbering. Sousuke hugged him awkwardly and wished he was in Nanase’s stead and would have treated him right.

*

Rin slept for a few hour on the sofa, head resting on Sousuke’s leg while he stroked through his hair.

»What time is it?,« Rin asked groggily. Voice hoarse from sleeping.

»Time for a fucking drink.«

This was probably a bad idea but fuck it. Heart breaks were meant to be mend by alcohol (for Sousuke at least. You could say he knew a thing or two about this topic). He brought out some cheap sake and the best Japanese whiskey they had.

»This is for celebrations, Sousuke.«

»This is one. If he wasn’t nice to you he didn’t deserved you and I’m fucking proud of you for breaking up with him.«

»Sousuke…«

Rin blushed at the sentimentalism.

A few drinks later, Rin blushed from all the alcohol in his veins. Sousuke was scrolling through Rin’s music library because the next thing to mend a broken heart was some loud music. Rin had a horrible music taste, though. Almost only American bands, mostly hip hop or pop punk. He also listened to Adele a lot which he will never admit.

Sousuke came across a song named _goodbye song_ which sounded about right. So he pressed play.

 _[Ya I'ma put your shit out on the lawn_  
Leave my heart and take your bone  
There's nothing left to say so long  
This is your goodbye goodbye song]

Rin immediately listened up. Already drunken he started to whip his head with the beat.

»Yes, Sousuke, this is my song!«

 _[I used your pictures on the wall_  
You can find them in the bathroom stall  
There’s nothing left to say it's all so long  
This is your goodbye song]

He sang along in his Japanese accent which was adorable.

 _[So here’s a toast to how we screw it up_  
To make sure there’s a happy ending  
I'm gonna hook up with your mom]

They were looking at each other, falling into laughter. Rin got up and started dancing on the couch, pulling Sousuke up with him. They sang along and danced drunkenly. Sousuke barely had time to think about it. Rin was laughing and having a good time and it made Sousuke’s heart beat a tap faster. That was the Rin he used to know.

The song ended, Rin fell back into the cushions, breathing heavily.

»Let’s go out! I’ll call Nagisa and Rei and Ai and how about Kisumi?!«

»What now? Um sure…« Sousuke wouldn’t dare to protest. Not when Rin was finanlly alive again. Friends were also there to mend a broken heart. He didn’t ask why Makoto wasn’t invited.

*

Rin wore one of his flashy hipster outfits which reminded Sousuke of what kind of American super model would wear in photo shootings. For Sousuke Rin was undeniably hot and he was afraid so thought the whole club they went in.

Kisumi had led them in this club Sousuke never heard of and knew exactly why. It was a gay dance club. And Sousuke might be gay (or bi or whatever) but sure not a dancer. Though he was probably better than weirdo Nanase. Or drunken Rin. Dancing drunken Rin was a sight he definitely needed to see once in a while to keep himself emotional stable. For health reasons only.

Rin was totally focused on himself, arms waving over his head, eyes shut, knees bent and hip swaying – he was in a different universe completely.

Sousuke loved this sight even though Rin looked both kind of fascinating and ridiculous at the same time. He wanted to dance with him so badly but also didn’t want to interrupt him. He seemed so at ease, like he didn’t need someone to be happy. The light shined bright in the dark, illuminating his pale skin, the red hair. He was so beautiful. So perfect. So lovable. When he formed his lips with the lyric of the song like it was a poem.

_[Please don’t say it’s getting late_

_I want more time to feel this way]_

»Sousuke, your love sick puppy eyes are showing,« Kisumi whisper-shouts into his ears. Sousuke knew it was a bad idea to invite Kisumi. Also because Rin thought he and Kisumi were kind of a _thing_. Which was so not true.

In the end Nagisa, Ai and Kisumi had tagged along. Rei was studying and therefor heavily insulted by Nagisa. Sousuke wondered if they too were an item and if all his (or rather Rin’s) friends were fucking gay. Maybe these stupid bully-sayings were indeed true and being with a bunch of naked guys in your teens turns you gay. Though, Nanase was probably Rin-water-sexual. And Kisumi on the other hand was everyone-sexual. There was a term for it but Sousuke didn’t know. He also didn’t know why Rin broke up with Nanase. Rin was having fun so Sousuke made sure not to remind him. They weren’t good for each other anyways. He heard them fight, he’d seen Rin cry after Nanase left- Maybe it wasn’t all the trauma? What if he only had a broken heart? Well… only.

Kisumi’s eyes still fixated him and he had this smug grin on his face, guys fell in love with. Why couldn’t he love Kisumi? Or Ai? Ai, sweet, Ai who had always blushed after kissing him. Who had bought him cute, unmanly cookies Sousuke had fed to Momo. Ai who was momentarily dancing with Nagisa. Both smiles flashing bright and fingers interlaced. Yes, why not Ai?

»Shut up, Kisumi,« he managed to say, his mind still clouded with thoughts and Rin. _Single_ Rin.

»Okay,« Kisumi answered and kissed him hard on the mouth. Rin decided to open his eyes in this exact moment. Sousuke watched at him while Kisumi pressed his lips against his own. Rin looked scandalized but more like _I didn’t know my best friend had a sex life_ scandalized. After he proceeded the shock, Rin smiled and winked. And Sousuke didn’t know if Rin could hurt him even more.

*

Rin decided to have an impromptu sleep over at Ai’s and Nagisa tagged along inviting everyone else leaving Ai stuttering »But Nagiiisa-sesenpai…my flat…« helplessly.

Sousuke was tired and still confused about the events of the last ten hours so he decided to sleep at home.

»Ai doesn’t even have enough room, guys, I think I’m going home, too,« Kisumi reasoned. Sousuke knew this guy didn’t plan on sleeping in his own bed – or at all.

»Why don’t you bring him home, Sousuke, huuuh?«

Rin made a suggestive wink like they were teenagers and he encourages Sousuke to get on the second base on a stranger’s party or something. And indeed, Rin could hurt him more.

*

»I always liked that you are a morning sex person.« Kisumi sighed satisfied, rolling onto his side to eye up Sousuke.

»I always liked that you are a sex person,« Sousuke replied with a sheepish grin.

They fell into a comfortable silence, hung up in their own minds. His brow twitched when he thought about a certain water-loving someone who occupied his mind way too much.

»What’s on your mind?,« Kisumi asked.                    

»Nanase is a fucking moron and I hate him so much… urgh.«

Sousuke growls out in frustration. He actually felt like punching something or someone – preferable Nanase. Why was it so hard for him to simply treat Rin right? Where did he fuck it up? And how was that even possible when it was Rin they were talking about? Perfect Rin?

»Why is that?«

»Because he broke Rin’s heart.«

»Everyone has broken at least one heart, Sousuke. Nanase broke Rin’s. Rin broke yours. You broke Nitori’s and mine. That is just the way it is.«

Sousuke sighed. He was still convinced that Nanase was the bad guy here.

»Heck, I’ve broken probably a million of hearts. I broke one today because I told my boyfriend I’d stop seeing you and here I am again.«

»You have a boyfriend? Do I know him?«

He wasn’t sure if the second question was really necessary but it came out before thinking.

»Yes, it’s Makoto.«

»What, you’re kidding me!«

»Yes, I am. You don’t know him but he knows about you. And Makoto is with Haru as you might know.«

Sousuke blinked. _He was what?_

»No, I didn’t. The fuck? Nanase was fucking Rin just the other day…«

Kisumi stayed relaxed as Sousuke’s pulse grew faster. He stroked gently through Sousuke’s hair as if he was pitying him for not knowing. Sousuke didn’t understand why he felt so utterly upset and blind with rage about a problem which was farthest from his. Maybe because Rin wasn’t only his crush, he was also his best friend.

»Haru can’t really decide, he is always between Makoto and Rin. Back and forth. He had been with Rin for a year now with pauses. On and off, you know. But even though they were quite steady now Rin felt like Haru never really committed and was afraid that he would go back to Makoto any moment like he used to when things got heated and ugly. Which they were pretty often. So technically Haru broke Rin’s heart with being, well, Haru… He just doesn’t want to be caged I think.«

Why did Kisumi knew all that? Why did Rin love Nanase anyway? Why did he feel so close to crying? Why didn’t Rin tell him? They were supposed to be best friends!

»Why do you know all that?«

»Because Rin and I meet up and talk about it? He didn’t felt like opening up to his current therapist because Haru is a big issue and he couldn’t gain any trust in some police therapist guy. So he asked me since I’m a therapist and so on… even though I only help him with his relationship problems and not the trauma.«

Sousuke was at loss. Again and again and again. This feeling was a feeling you _can_ get used to. It might be called depression, he thought. He felt lied to. Rin told this pink-hair, cheating bastard everything. He wasn’t really mad at Kisumi. He was mad at Rin. He crunched his teeth trying not to let out his anger on Kisumi.

»Wait – you are a therapist?«

»You know my entire body but you don’t know my profession? I’m scandalized, Yamazaki-san!«

»I seem to not know a lot of things.«

*

Sousuke always loved people who laughed loudly. People with laughter that engaged the entire room, which made everyone look up and forced a smile upon their lips. Sousuke didn’t know if he loved them because Rin had been laughing the loudest and the most cheerful in class or at practice or when they race each other. Or did he love them before and that was why he fell in love with Rin?

Either way, Rin came home early considering the time he had gone to sleep, grinning like the dork he was and that Sousuke fell in love with. It made Sousuke’s heart skip like thousand beats and his mind was running circles again.

He’d miss this Rin so much, yet… his throat felt dry like he had to cough. A frown formed on his forehead. Something was off, his body told him before he realized it.

»Do I get a thank you?«

Sousuke blinked before he understood the innuendo. Rin nudged him playfully with his knee. The frown kept growing as Rin’s grin kept expanding. Why was Rin okay with him fucking Kisumi? Why was Rin _okay_ in the first place?

»You know, you didn’t have to…,« Sousuke trailed off.

 _I’d rather went home with you_ … unspoken words tingling on the tip of his tongue. Rin’s smile was still there and suddenly so unfamiliar that Sousuke barely recognized him.

»You’re welcome…«

Rin hit his shoulder lightly and it started to hurt even though it didn’t hurt in seven years. Sousuke felt himself panicking. Something was wrong.

»Why are you so happy?«

And he had a history with stupid questions. Now Rin stared at him, not able to comprehend.

»What the fuck do you mean?«

They fight a lot. They always did. They had been rivals after all. They had been together for so long and so much time, at school, at work, at home. Of course they’d fight. When they do, they get loud, they get angry, breathing heavy, punching walls and kicking chairs. For a second Rin looked like he wanted to do all those things, maybe even punch Sousuke in the face. But then he looked shocked or hurt or both or nothing because Sousuke couldn’t read him anymore. He didn’t look angry.

»Why are you happy? You’ve been depressed for five weeks and now you broke up with Nanase and it seemed like the ending of the world yesterday and now everything is fine? It just doesn’t make any sense.«

Rin’s mouth fell open like he wanted to say something, like he wanted to protest but his words dried up in his throat. What followed was his mouth opening and closing, joined by silent gasped that turned into sobs and then the smile was completely gone without a trace. Tears ran down his cheeks. He wept. His whole body cried.

»I’m not happy. I’m just tired of crying. Tired of being a shit friend. Tired of loving the guy that will never love me as much as I love him. I’m tired and I’ll go to bed now.«

*

Rin didn’t leave his bed until Sousuke invited everyone over two days after their fight. He hated that he was never enough for Rin. Not when it came to love, not when it came to cheer him up. But like Rin said: It’s different because Sousuke saw it, too. He saw his best friend bleeding onto the floor. He tried hard not to think about this mental image and it had become more of a surreal memory like this of a dream than it seemed real. The colors faded away slowly and the shapes were getting washed out. Sousuke was glad about that.

Nagisa was currently going through Rin’s wardrobe finding the perfect outfit. Rei assisted in saying »beautiful« every time he liked something. Ai had managed to talk Rin out of bed and into a hot tub. He was now making dinner for everyone together with Kisumi. Sousuke felt left out like always. He stood around his own kitchen where he was shushed away whenever he tried to do something useful. Kisumi filled everyone drinks even though it would have been Sousuke’s task as host. He sat down and stared into Ai’s back wondering if he had loved him enough all those years ago if he would have become a police officer. And if he hadn’t become a police officer he wouldn’t have seen Rin getting shot and then Rin would still talk to him and not Kisumi.

»Talk to him,« Ai suddenly said his voice shaking a bit like it did when he was unsure even though he shouldn’t be around Sousuke.

»Yes, he needs you,« Kisumi reassured him but Sousuke was unconvinced. He hadn’t needed him for all those weeks.

»No, he made that very clear…«

»Sousuke, shut the fuck up and talk to him.«

Ai held his hand in front of his mouth.

»I mean, I mean, just go already!«

And with this a perplexed Sousuke left the kitchen heading towards the bathroom.

*

Sousuke was knocking lightly, before entering he hesitated. They have seen each other naked a thousand times so he hoped Rin wouldn’t mind him intruding.

Rin opened his eyes when Sousuke settled down on a stool next to the tub. He tried to only look Rin in the face and not onto the clear surface of the water.

»Sousuke.« Rin seemed slightly alarmed and caught off guard.

»I’m sorry, Rin. I was a jerk. I shouldn’t have been mad at you for being cheerful.«

It sounded stupid saying it out loud. Rin cracked a little smile.

»I’m sorry for shunning you out. I don’t even know why I do that. I’m going to say something really embarrassing now.«

They both grinned.

»You are my best friend and you mean the world to me, so please don’t be mad at me for not telling you everything. I know Kisumi, this little shit, had told you my Haru situation. But… I feel like you have… about the incident. You have seen it, too. So you kinda deal with the same shit, I guess? I don’t even know what I want to say. I was just so afraid that you take my problems more serious than yours. Because you always do that. So I didn’t want to talk to you about the incident nor about my stupid love triangle. I didn’t want you to worry about me. You always do that like I’m your child or something. But you are my rock, okay? You are the thing that keeps me mildly sane. You know that, right? I, um, I’m finished now. Oh, and thank you for calling everyone. You always know what I need.«

Sousuke wanted to kiss Rin to shut him up. He felt tearing up especially after Rin’s eyes started to water. But they didn’t cry.

»I totally said all that naked, oh my god.«

They laughed instead.

»You are my precious shoujo princess, you know that. And you can always count on me.«

»I know. I’m sorry for being a shit friend.«

»We both are.«

»True.«

*

Having dinner with a bunch of chaotic idiots was as chaotic as it sounded. It was also fun. Sousuke loved a laughing Rin the most that was for sure.

*

It been three months now. Sousuke advanced from desk work to getting on patrol again. Though he was stuck with a new, over-eager partner whose name he forgot way too often. The guy was getting them coffee right now (which was a big plus for him) while Sousuke waited in the police car.

He turned on the radio for the first time since Rin was suspended. There seemed to be a CD inside and Sousuke growled. Rin’s music. He wanted to turn it off, but before his hand reached the eject button, he stopped. _Rin’s_ music.

He listened to it, again noticing that Rin had terrible music taste. He smiled to himself.

[ _You call me up,_  
It’s like a broken record  
Saying that your heart hurts  
Thought you never get over him getting over you,  
  
And you end up crying  
And I end up lying,  
Cause I'm just a sucker for anything that you do]

He immediately changed the song. _Fuck_ , Rin’s music was mental.

 

*

Sousuke knew Rin was starting to feel better when he stated:

»I’m going for a swim today.«

Sousuke knew how much it ached Rin not to swim. But Rin wasn’t stupid. He would never overdo it (maybe because of Sousuke, maybe not?). So he must feel better. He’d also slept better and said he had no more nightmares.

»I’ll come with you,« Sousuke replied.

»Actually,« Rin scratched the back of his neck. A gestured reserved for Nanase-related things only. _Oh, no_.

»I’m meeting up with Haru. I think things are clearing up between us. I feel like I made the right decision and that I’m able to see him again without breaking down crying or undressing myself. No, I really want to be friends again. I mean _we were friends before_.«

He laughed at his own statement. _Friends don’t think about fucking friends_ , Sousuke thought. Rin’s eyes had determination shining in them. Still he felt uneasy when Rin left the apartment. Had they really been friends once? Purely friends? Rin didn’t even believed himself the way he was laughing.

He came home in the middle of the night. Sousuke had tried to call him five times and thought about going to the pool to look for him but Rin was a 27-year-old adult, he could take care of himself. Also, Sousuke was afraid he might see something he didn’t want to see ever again: the smile Rin had for Nanase. Rin walked into Sousuke’s room without knocking.

»Can I lay down next to you?,« Rin asked into the dark. His voice sounded drunk, he was struggling to pronounce the words right and failed terribly at it. Sousuke growled but let Rin in. He’d already fallen asleep and his senses where dazed. Better was. Otherwise he might feel his skin getting hot right there where Rin’s arm was pressed next to his arm. Would feel his heart beat a bit faster and way too loud. _No, Sousuke_. He thought about Rin telling him the story how he lost his virginity to Haru in an accidentally shared hotel bed in Australia to calm himself down. These thoughts were a total turn-off. He sighed.

»Sorry for coming home late. We were meeting up with Makoto and had this amazing talk about our situation and now I feel like I’ve come clean and I feel like Haru knows what he wants now. He is going to want me back, I’m sure. He’d left Makoto for good. And we made out.«

These words crawled under Sousuke’s skin making him want to scratch it until it bleeds. Rage and sadness settled inside his stomach and his hand formed into a fist.

Rin lay right beside him and was thinking about Nanase. It was like a bad joke. If he was Rin he would be crying by this time.

»I thought you were over him.«

»I hope I am when I sober up.«

»Then go to sleep already.«

Which took Rin literally. He slept right next to Sousuke. Who couldn’t get any sleep at all.

*

»Haru doesn’t want to come back to me.«

It was on repeat like a bad song on the radio. Rin should be worried about so much more. Could be worried about so many important things like the IS or Ebola or even how he survived gigantic monster spiders in Australia. But he chose Nanase instead (as always). Sousuke knew Nanase was trouble the moment he saw him.

»But he isn’t with Makoto either.«

Rin’s beautiful face didn’t understand. If Sousuke wouldn’t be this pissed at the moment he would made the »You can say he is…free«-joke he always played in his head when the topic came up.

»Can you shut the fuck up about Nanase for one hour? You left him for a reason!«

»It still hurts, though.«

Sousuke whirled around from the sofa and threw his book away.

»You know what also hurts? You talking about him 24/7. He treated you badly, you deserve someone nice. You deserve me.«

»Sousuke…«

»I’m fucking in love with you so would you please shut up for a second. I can’t stand it anymore.«

 _Woah, fuck_. Talk about manly confessions. There it was. All the years of hiding for nothing. He stormed out of the living room to prevent anymore stupidity.

*

Sousuke’s mind was racing. He fucked up. He could see Rin’s shocked face every time he closed his eyes. They needed to talk but Sousuke was freaking out too much. _You deserve me_ – What did he even say? He wasn’t a white boy teeny loser stuck in the friend zone. Not only did he ruin their friendship and Rin’s trust, he also made a completely loser out of himself.

He didn’t even realized someone was in the room until he was asked:

»For how long?« Rin’s voice was shaky. Tears were in his eyes and it had become quite a normal sight. But a bitter one, too.

»For forever I think.«

»Why didn’t you tell me? I was so insensitive with my Haru problems and Kisumi and… Why haven’t you told me?«

»Because I knew you would cry.«

»I’m not crying.«

Rin was. His whole body was shaking. Sousuke hugged him carefully. Rin put his head against Sousuke’s chest, still crying and wetting his shirt.

»And don’t you repeat our cheesy regionals moment.«

He sobbed and laughed at the same time.

»That is only your shoujo princess imagination.«

They both laughed bitter-sweet now.

»You don’t have to love me back.«

He kissed Rin’s hair. Maybe as a good bye. The last chance. He will never do such a thing again.

»Is it weird for you?«

Rin shook his head vehemently.

»That is good.«

They stayed in silence until Rin calmed down.

»I want to love you, too.«

»You stopped crying.«

»Yes, I have.«

In the end, a broken heart can only be mend by one thing. Not alcohol, music or people. They just help to forget. The one thing is time. And Sousuke will give Rin every time he needed.

*

»Uh, you listened to my music? You missed me so much, eh?«

Rin wasn’t even a second in the police car and already got on Sousuke’s nerves with this dorky grin of his. And by going on his nerves he most definitely _not_ meant it in a good, heart-warming, skin-prickling way. _No_.

He turned on the radio, his CD still inside, blasting terrible American music. Rin sang along, drumming onto the driving wheel. Sousuke felt his life threatened.

»Rin, look onto the streets.«

» _Tonight we dance and I’ll be yours and you’ll be mi-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-hine._ «

Rin was smiling so beautiful, Sousuke thought he hid his head. Maybe he did last night when -

» _I got a wild heart!_ «

»You dork.«

»Your dork.« Rin’s finger brushed lightly over Sousuke’s hand.

»No, my shojou princess.«

  

**Author's Note:**

> Songs in this shot:  
> Goodbye song - MKTO  
> Please don't say - Breathe Carolina  
> Heartbreak girl - 5SOS  
> Wild heart - the Vamps
> 
> Please check out the AMV from my friend !! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3L7VU2hQgo8&feature=youtu.be


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